It continually bothers me more and more. I can barely bite my tongue when I see and hear offensive statements, intentional or accidental. I do understand it is typically unintended. But that can only be a valid excuse BEFORE you realized just how offensive it is. So now you know. We are simple one large, unique, blended family unit. Unfortunately it is almost a guarantee we will never all be in one single family photo but we all one family in our hearts.
I HATE, Despise even, the nonacceptance of blended and or adopted families.
I cringe at people and their lack of compassion or thought when they say thing like
"Which one is your real brother" or "are they your real parents" when they see a family photo. Well I don't think any are made out of plastic or ceramic, so they are ALL my REAL family.
OR
"....My own flesh and blood..." What the heck does flesh, blood, or dna have to do with being MY sister? What makes "flesh and blood" more connected or powerful than love, dedication and loyalty?
OR
"Are you closer to your real brother"... Perhaps in some families you may have a favorite brother or sister. I can honestly say I don't feel that way. I don't have a favorite sister or brother. To me that seems crazy. You have a favorite teacher or maybe a favorite pet, but I can't have a favorite sibling. I do prefer one over the other for certain types of things, but not just a favorite sibling.I can't imagine being the family we were 20 years ago. I can just barely remember being the youngest child in the family and I really have no emotions left of how it feels to be the youngest. My oldest brother however has mostly kept his reign as oldest-- although one sister bumped in and took claim of oldest. By 2 months and 22 days. That allows him to always be the oldest brother and almost share the title as oldest sibling, almost.
I am very PRO adoption and extremely Anti-Abortion. I really can't envision a reason to choose abortion instead of adoption other than mostly selfishness, as it is not an easy choice, but this blog is not about that because I don't have any family members thanks to parents making a loving unselfish decision. I have extra siblings because for a period of time their bio parents made all wrong choices in regards to their kids. All these choices had various levels of forgivability and family rehabilitation. Some of my siblings went on to go back to their biological parents/family's while others have suffered more heart ache and pain and a few lucky ones will forever be my LEGAL siblings, where as the others will never have an official piece of paper, they too are my REAL siblings as well, just not legally.
Using phrases like those when talking about members in an adoptive/foster/blended family is close to using the N word for people of color of the R word for people with a mental disability, for the record in my book. Hopefully from now on you will be more sensitive to unique families like mine. We know we are special, but please be respectful towards our uniqueness and think before you talk!
And while I am on my tyrant, let me add, I can not stand bio parents who put their child through emotional and physical pain over allowing a loving parent/family to raise the child. I hate the pain I have seen my siblings endure. Often times, repeated abuses whether emotional, physical or sexual with years of pain before the bio family lost custody. I am glad that through the years some of my siblings have been able to create/continue their bond with some of their bio families. I am impressed how understanding and forgiving my siblings have been. Me, not so much. And perhaps that explains my extreme level of family loyalty and desire to protect my siblings.
Besides love, heck we all act alike, so that certainly makes us related!
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