MERRY cHRISTMAS FROM THE CRAZY SYKES

Christmas Eve and back to our family of 4 at last!

Another year, come and gone in the books.  It's been busy, full of change, but also full of memories too.  This time last year we were a bustling household of 8!  Most days we are merely 3 now as Marko has been working out of town about 6 months of the year.  We had the best most full summer with family to keep ourselves busy as our family dynamic changed.  We enjoyed multiple trips to Pennsylvania to stay with my sister and brother in law and four nephews.  My older sister and I even went all out with matching sister tattoos for her birthday.  We went to Virginia Beach together along with Dad, Mark and my niece Kierra too.  Missy and the boys came here for a few weeks and brought her husband too on the last trip for my younger brother Joe's wedding.

Anthony has almost caught up to my height at 12.5y/o
Jayla is nearing 6 and Jayna 11.5 y/o

 

Celebrating Christmas at Jayla's house

Our sweet Jayla and her mom and dad moved into their own home back in April.  It's about an hour from here, but we pack in as much time together as we can.  She is happily in kindergarten, living in the country with her 4 dogs, cat, rabbits and chickens along with mommy and daddy.  They went full circle as they fostered a sweet 2 year old for several month this past spring and summer. We go to her house every Friday!  It's a predictable day for all the kids to look forward to and expect.  We celebrate special occasions and holidays together, on our Fridays!  We absolutely look forward to them each week, just not the drive!  During her 6 months with us, I am guess some highlights included getting to help bake and cook, which she loved, lots of fun art projects which she was always fully into, especially the ones our Christmas Elf Elbert brought to us!  And especially exciting would be her first out of state trip to Pennsylvania to Aunt Missy's house!

Cousins, my sister and I over Easter

Visiting the Bunny w/ most our local friends

Angela turned 18 in April.  We celebrated together at Olive Garden, her choice!  But the happy celebration was short lived as she decided she was ready to be an adult and make some rushed hard decisions as many new young adults tend to do.  She moved out the last week of May.  After a couple failed living arrangements she is back where she was prior to our home along with her sister again, slowly rebuilding relationships and setting new goals.  She now works about full time and is a new learner's permit holder.  Hopefully she stays on track and doesn't derail again.  We still only hope the best for her, although we rarely see her and don't have much of a relationship now.  During her year with us she was able to go on several trips.  The highlights are likely getting to go to her birth city for the first time, Rehoboth, Deleware and spending a week with Uncle Zach and Aunt Rebekah in Baltimore, along with several Pennsylvania trips.



Marko spent Oct and Nov in Japan, followed by another month
in Arizona, California and Georgia before returning home 12/23

Marko earned a promotion this past winter that keeps him on the road a lot.  But he was home for 3 of 4 of the kids birthdays, so that alone was quite a feat!  He has spent several weeks in Quatar, a couple months in Japan, been from the west coast to the east coast and Mexico too.  He loves his job though so that's an absolute plus!  Thankfully the kids are able to video chat with him every week or so when he is out of country, more often when he is in country.  Luckily the grandparents fill his role well enough and keep the kids from 9pm until they take them to school the next day so they don't have to get up at 4am with my work schedule.

Anthony fell victim to a hit and

Anthony's big feat for the year is broken arm via car while bike riding, of course at the beginning of summer to make summer a bit more complex and exciting!  He did both cross country and soccer at school.  He recently started basketball.  His school just added basketball as a school sport and he is loving it!  Luckily the car didn't scare him off his bike.  He still loves to go bike riding, especially to Grandma's house a few miles away.

 

Jayna's yearly highlight is always her Christmas play at school.  Last year she was a reporter, this year she is the Christmas Granny!  She has more than a full schedule between soccer, gymnastics, cross country, she gets some extra help from a couple fabulous tutors and has quite the social schedule with her handful of close friends.  This summer Jayna, Dad and I got to go on a huge zip lining course at the Creation Museum in Kentucky.  That was exciting.  Unfortunately they wouldn't let Anthony join with a cast.  Mom also joined us on that trip and even met up with one of her good on-line friends at the Ark which was so neat!



 

I'm still at the hospital.  I typically work 5-2pm so that I can do plenty with the kids after school and keep up with their schedules as clearly Marko can't do too much with his current position!  Most weekdays I babysit my friend's 4 kids after work and about once a week I babysit another friend's girls.  I also try to make time to fit in helping my previous customers, now friends with household chores.  At 80years old, a little help is nice.  I also like to help out at the kids school those rare days off without an already committed obligation. My late nights are filled with cuddles from our cats, Sampson and Phoenix.  They also make good alarm clocks begging from breakfast the second they hear my alarm go off!

Phoenix and Sampson

 

I hope you all have had a wonderful year and can see the positives of your past year more strongly than the negatives.  You can look back on your year with some great memories and a few laughs.  And you can Give thanks to the Lord and remember the reason for the season!

Cousins, my brother Mark, sister Missy, Dad and I in Virginia Beach

Baking with our favorite adopted grandparents; Georgie and Mrs. Phyllis

Love,

The Sykes Family

Marko, Beth, Anthony and Jayna

Sampson and Phoenix too!

And then there were 4

Life changed astronomically as we returned to a family of 4.  It's bittersweet for sure.  It wasn't in the plan, nor what we wanted, but life is back to our old normal at this point.

The best part of this change.... is watching one of the families we helped in their time of need grow into a family of 4 as they added a precious two year old who was in need of a loving family.  THIS right here is exactly the type of "payment" I want when I give--- I want to see it paid forward and they did just that!

My sweet Jayla and her mommy and daddy moved into their new home at Easter time. 

Unfortunately for me it is quite the drive, but a drive I will soon make for my Jayla J!  Luckily for me I still see her at least twice a month, often more so which is so important to me.  I always want to be in our Jayla's life.  I am glad I am not her mom-figure as her family overcame the big mountain they were  facing and they are living their dream now, that country life, full of land, a home, lots of pets, and so much love.  I get to be that aunt-like person I want to be with her! 

Jayla seems equally happy to have her family back to normal, be back in school, have so many pets (our little animal lover) and the newest change of becoming a big sister <3  This is that full circle success story of love I imagined they could have at the top of their mountain, except better as they added Lia to it! 

Jayla doesn't  miss any important events as we still include her (and whoever in her family is off work and free for any given date) in all the family fun; Jayna's bday dinner, making moms day and dads day gift, spray park fun, bowling summer fun, family cook out, back to school shopping, even a Pennsylvania trip and sop much more and more to come!  I am the lucky one, I get to be her Aunt!

Unfortunately Angela chose a different path, one of self destruction and rash decision making.  By the time she had her birthday get together I was fearing this arrangement was going to fail.  Just the same she did have her choice of an Olive Garden family dinner.  She seemed genuinely happy, although by that point she was certainly testing the waters of what she was thinking would be self sufficient independence.

By the following week, she had stayed out all night, broke curfew, wasn't doing anything she was supposed to be doing, knowing she was 18 we could do minimal.  We immediately took her phone, to eliminate our funds going into her reckless behavior.  She was involved with a boy now and every decision she made was about him, including skipping school as well.  We couldn't continue to allow this behavior and had to show it was unacceptable.  The day before Mother's day we had a family meeting with her bio mom, Marko on facetime, and us.  We gave her her options and her rules: 1. curfew, 2. no overnights at unapproved houses, none on school nights, 3. go to school, 4. get a part time job.  If you school not to go to school then get a full time job.  We explained a lot of consequences in life that would come with the life style she was choosing.  She knew what She was doing.  We gave her a 30 day eviction notice, which would require her to move the day after school ended.  If however she wanted to be here, wanted to stay in this family unit all she had to do were obey those 4 rules.  That lasted one day.  She stayed out all night that Sunday too.  She would come home while I was at work to change clothes, shower and eat and leave the evidence-- dirty clothes, water trickling and dirty dishes.  Almost three weeks later the boyfriend's mother made it clear she could not live there, she had been expelled from school, she still had no job. Marko and I gave her yet another final last try... which she messed up within two days by stealing Anthony and Jayna's bikes, even though she knew she had a bike in the shed.  That was the end, the final night, the last straw.  We couldn't have her continue her destruction and effecting Anthony and Jayna so negatively.  She moved in with her bio mom's home the next day, after spilling and tracking paint all through our home.  Sometimes you can't love a person enough I suppose.  They still choose ways to make their own life harder, even when they have all the opportunities and tools right in front of them within reach.  It still stinks.  This is not what we wanted for her, hs drop out, can't find but part time employment, living in poverty at her bio mom's house where things never go well and there has always been drug use and violence there in the past when she lived there.  I hope it is safer this time for her, and yet I can't feel sorry for her, she choose this knowing full well exactly what her options were and exactly what the consequences for her actions would be.  We still have minimal, occasional contact, but no meaningful relationship.  The kids ask about her, we wonder about her, but we couldn't force her down the right path.  She chose a live in boyfriend over a family, over seeing her sister, over her education.  A boyfriend can't be a top priority in a safe relationship.  Perhaps in this case the statistics were right, she didn't overcome her childhood abuses even when given the opportunities.

Memories of mom past to present

Dear Mom,
Thank You doesn't really hold much value, but I hope you realize how much I love and appreciate all the memories you've enabled me to create, and the ones you continue to add to our collection.  They say you can't buy a childhood, which is true, but money or know money it is the attitude you choose to have in the moment that makes it either a good or a bad memory.   The memories are made from time well spent.  Sometimes it would be everyday things, sometimes our own family traditions and in deed I certainly remember the money spent too.  And somehow I lucked out and got optimistic, upbeat, role model parents!  Thank you mom for choosing to have a good attitude, even in sticky situations... many of which I created.

Thank you for always standing up for us when needed.  My earliest memories with Mom were Harbor House days of preschool.  She made it so I didn't have to take a nap like every other kid!  Go mom!  Yep, rebelling against school rules since day one ;-)
After preschool she arranged so her boss, and friend would pick me up, which typically ended in Happy meals and kids meals before joining mom at work and socialize with the patients at the nursing home.  She'd give me money sometimes to but candy from Mrs. Edie, other times we just talked while mom worked.  She made work fun.  She may not have been having the most fun, but she made sure I had fun there while she finished up her work day and learned how to make friends of any age.

Thank you for teaching us how to be a good friend.  I remember mom was always quick to lend a hand.  At the ripe age of 7 mom's friend Jim lived with us until he could more his family to town and buy their home.  It showed me you can and should have friends of any gender regardless if you are in a relationship.  Too many people these days seem to think it is one or the other.  Dear Teenagers and young adults, you can be friends and even love your friends of either gender and not be flirting or cheating or romantic.  And so when my best friend Caitlin moved when I was about 8 and the neighborhood was basically over run with buys, I was able to be friends without a second thought, because mom, you laid the foundation that friendships shouldn't solely be decided by gender.

Thank you for being careful of what you did, knowing you had eyes constantly watching you.  My strongest 3 addiction are thanks to mom; nail biting, ice chomping and sweet tea drinking--- before sweet tea was a big cheap thing at every fast food joint.  She made the home made type not with a Mr. Tea machine but in a ceramic pitcher with just the right amount of sugar!  Thanks for choosing these addictions and not smoking or drinking or self pitty or....

Thank you for being a bread winner.  As far back as I can remember through sixth grade mom, was an out of the home working mom.  She worked a few different jobs, whatever she needed to to help our family make ends meet yet that worked around scheduling.  I feel that is a good memory.  I had a great young child life, even with two working full time parents.  Mom, you taught me work ethic.  That it's ok to love a job, don't be afraid to throw in the towel and look for something better or different if where you are makes you too unhappy or doesn't treat you well.  I wasn't so quick to be brave enough to take that leap.But I remember when you have.

Thank you for teaching us responsibility and allowing us to take it on multiple times.  Like in 3rd grade we moved to Pottsgrove and Zach and I had to take turns hand washing dishes until we earned the privilege of an automatic dishwasher.  Or a few months later when you allowed both Zach and I to get our own paper routes to earn spending money... even though I was only 9 and technically not old enough yet.  Every weekday was a bus ride home from school followed by immediately having to do our paper routes regardless of weather and have papers delivered to all 65ish costumers a piece by 5pm.  and every weekend was an early wake up to have papers delivered by 8am.  And you running me to endless babysitting jobs and allowing me to volunteer in the church nursery and even earn the privilege of teaching preschoolers.  All things you had allow and supervise some and be an emergency back up for and transport for.  I hope this is one of the top qualities I can teach my own kids as I feel it is one thing I did well because of you.

Thank you for teaching us independence.  It was during this era of 4th grade we began to learn some real independence.  We no longer had an after school baby sitter like before we moved.  We now each had a job and spending money.  Half was to be saved and half was our choice minus 10% mandatory tithe. You let me save up months of paper route to get my dream bed a bunk bed futon at the bottom.  Oh how I loved that bed.  It was also at this time we could ride the bikes freely in the entire neighborhood (without sneaking past boundaries like may very well the the case at our previous neighborhood... ops! ;-) )  Thank you for teaching us we had come definite control in our lives and to decide carefully... or else you may have already spent too much paper route money and be out when Bartoe's Ice Cream had your fav flavor... I <3 his teaberry!!

Thank you for teaching us school is important... but not our #1 priority.  You allowed me to stay with Grandma a whole week straight after Papa died without a second thought.  Thank you for allowing me to make the memories with Grandma during her most difficult time and my first most difficult time.  And then came the foster care days of 6th grade and beyond... where we could frequently skip one day a month to go with you on payday to the grocery store and choose basically anything we wanted at Aldi's.  This really is one of my most fond memories of these next two years.  It was the day every month all of us kids looked forward to, spending with you, being a little spoiled, a lot loved and making memories of buying generic inexpensive food... brand isn't everything!  This may very well be why I still love grocery shopping now and it isn't a burden or a dreaded necessary task, even in the years where money has been super very extra tight.

Thank you mom for teaching me to love the less fortunate.  This began since forever ago when we would donate to charities like Salvation army and to love the less fortunate kids in the neighborhood; immensely.  From the youngsters in the apartment building in our first neighborhood, or my friend Dianna when I was in 6th grade and she was caring far more responsibility than any 6th grader should from parenting both her 2y/o baby sister Marcella and a baby cousin Tessa.  You were always welcoming and many meals were shared and sleepover too, often including the babies. To when you taught us to be the voice for the voiceless, going to Precious Life marches and banquets and even March for Life in D.C. To when you involved us as very active volunteers for non profits like the Humane Society, The Family Resource Center and Church. The most obvious example though of course is when  you decided to become a foster parent and not to add babies to our family or the younger easier to place children but you choose the older age group, a more difficult age group, a harder to place age group, often children with more deep wounds that were sometimes harder to love, but you never gave up on them at a magic age like many seemed to, not even after they were 18.  You continued to support several of them emotionally and financially consistently still just like a mom does.

Thank you for making holidays amazing.  Not a birthday passed without an over priced cake.  You wanted to make it a reason to celebrate every year.... even when I didn;t and even when I was a poor sport with a surprise 16th birthday bc  it meant people had lied to me.  You went over board on Christmas, even though you shouldn't have.  Thank you! You bought us JCP stuffed animals for Easter w/o dad noticing since he didn't allow baskets or bunny gifts.  You thought of the absolute best gifts.  You still do.

Thank you for being hard on me.  I needed it.... I probably needed even more than got I dished out.  However, it did teach me a good bit about reality.  It also has taught me a thing or ten about parenting.

Thank you for making me your priority. It sounds like common sense and yet I know because I've seen it with my foster siblings and some coworkers and some of the kids friends that this isn't a given.  This a choice that is made, a commitment that you chose to follow through on again and again and again and still.

Thank you for teaching me what it means to be good mom.  You've been teaching me this as far back as I can remember.

Thank you most of all for loving my kids and all of your kids so unconditionally. Not only did I get to have the best childhood, now my kids get the same, because you are so involved in theirs.  This seems a rarity.

Happy Mother's Day Mom!  I love you.... even though I am not very vocal and don't say it much.