Life changed astronomically as we returned to a family of 4. It's bittersweet for sure. It wasn't in the plan, nor what we wanted, but life is back to our old normal at this point.
The best part of this change.... is watching one of the families we helped in their time of need grow into a family of 4 as they added a precious two year old who was in need of a loving family. THIS right here is exactly the type of "payment" I want when I give--- I want to see it paid forward and they did just that!
My sweet Jayla and her mommy and daddy moved into their new home at Easter time.
Unfortunately for me it is quite the drive, but a drive I will soon make for my Jayla J! Luckily for me I still see her at least twice a month, often more so which is so important to me. I always want to be in our Jayla's life. I am glad I am not her mom-figure as her family overcame the big mountain they were facing and they are living their dream now, that country life, full of land, a home, lots of pets, and so much love. I get to be that aunt-like person I want to be with her!
Jayla seems equally happy to have her family back to normal, be back in school, have so many pets (our little animal lover) and the newest change of becoming a big sister <3 This is that full circle success story of love I imagined they could have at the top of their mountain, except better as they added Lia to it!
Jayla doesn't miss any important events as we still include her (and whoever in her family is off work and free for any given date) in all the family fun; Jayna's bday dinner, making moms day and dads day gift, spray park fun, bowling summer fun, family cook out, back to school shopping, even a Pennsylvania trip and sop much more and more to come! I am the lucky one, I get to be her Aunt!
Unfortunately Angela chose a different path, one of self destruction and rash decision making. By the time she had her birthday get together I was fearing this arrangement was going to fail. Just the same she did have her choice of an Olive Garden family dinner. She seemed genuinely happy, although by that point she was certainly testing the waters of what she was thinking would be self sufficient independence.
By the following week, she had stayed out all night, broke curfew, wasn't doing anything she was supposed to be doing, knowing she was 18 we could do minimal. We immediately took her phone, to eliminate our funds going into her reckless behavior. She was involved with a boy now and every decision she made was about him, including skipping school as well. We couldn't continue to allow this behavior and had to show it was unacceptable. The day before Mother's day we had a family meeting with her bio mom, Marko on facetime, and us. We gave her her options and her rules: 1. curfew, 2. no overnights at unapproved houses, none on school nights, 3. go to school, 4. get a part time job. If you school not to go to school then get a full time job. We explained a lot of consequences in life that would come with the life style she was choosing. She knew what She was doing. We gave her a 30 day eviction notice, which would require her to move the day after school ended. If however she wanted to be here, wanted to stay in this family unit all she had to do were obey those 4 rules. That lasted one day. She stayed out all night that Sunday too. She would come home while I was at work to change clothes, shower and eat and leave the evidence-- dirty clothes, water trickling and dirty dishes. Almost three weeks later the boyfriend's mother made it clear she could not live there, she had been expelled from school, she still had no job. Marko and I gave her yet another final last try... which she messed up within two days by stealing Anthony and Jayna's bikes, even though she knew she had a bike in the shed. That was the end, the final night, the last straw. We couldn't have her continue her destruction and effecting Anthony and Jayna so negatively. She moved in with her bio mom's home the next day, after spilling and tracking paint all through our home. Sometimes you can't love a person enough I suppose. They still choose ways to make their own life harder, even when they have all the opportunities and tools right in front of them within reach. It still stinks. This is not what we wanted for her, hs drop out, can't find but part time employment, living in poverty at her bio mom's house where things never go well and there has always been drug use and violence there in the past when she lived there. I hope it is safer this time for her, and yet I can't feel sorry for her, she choose this knowing full well exactly what her options were and exactly what the consequences for her actions would be. We still have minimal, occasional contact, but no meaningful relationship. The kids ask about her, we wonder about her, but we couldn't force her down the right path. She chose a live in boyfriend over a family, over seeing her sister, over her education. A boyfriend can't be a top priority in a safe relationship. Perhaps in this case the statistics were right, she didn't overcome her childhood abuses even when given the opportunities.
Thanks for the family update, even when every outcome is not the one we would have hoped for. People have the right to make choices, and I applaud you for doing what you had to do for your basic family unit, while at the same time still extending your outreach where permitted!
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