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| Christmas in the burn center |
Dental care has never come easy for me. I don't know anyone who got braces earlier or wore them longer. At the ripe ole age of 7, newly 7, the fall I turned 7, in 1st grade, I got braces. I had them all the way until 8th grade! You can do that math. In addition to monthly orthodontic appointments, my parents were to the book on dental appointments every 6 months.
I can remember one bad younger childhood dental appointment in some weird dental place my grandparents used. I don't remember the specifics why it was bad as I would have been pretty young. My mom would have remembered the details I bet. I never returned there. My parents found a child friendly father son team. Dr. Eddie was very good.
What they don't tell you, braces may straighten your teeth, jaw, bite BUT that's YEARS of never fully brushing your teeth as they are partially covered in braces. This really hurt the condition of my teeth structure themselves. I had several cavities to deal with after 8 years and the discoloration was very noticeable. We moved really soon after I escaped the braces.
There were 2 dentists I saw in Va. The first couldn't perform everything needing done. I don't know why; so they referred me to another. He was gruff, stern and sharp. As I previously stated I am afraid of dentists, even after extensive contact with them. He expected me not to be nervous or uneasy (I was never disruptive, or vocal. Just visibly nervous) during the visit and cavity fillings which of course wasn't going to happen. So, he said I would need gas/put to sleep. Something else that wasn't going to happen. My parents were very accommodating and although we moved from Pennsylvania to Virginia they would still bring me to Dr. Eddie, after unsatisfactory care in VA. He did the cavities but some damage visibly lasted. I also continued to see him 2x a year for cleanings until I was 18.
My teeth were never strong after braces. My mom had fantastic oral health, only ever having 1 filling. But my dad was opposite on his luck of dental genetics. So I now had 3 cards against me, fear, long term braces, and not the best oral genetics. Card 4 and 5 were my own fault.
I was never that teen who took an hour to get ready, was concerned with appearance, etc. I wore pajamas to school EVERY day my senior year. My dad would ALWAYS remind me, did you brush your teeth. Sometimes I had, sometimes I may have claimed I did, and sometimes I would actually go do so. So, again poor decisions on already weakened oral health.
At 18, my senior year I decided to live in my car bc new adults are always really wise and level headed with their thinking.... or something like that. So the neglect really began.
After the summer before Senior year I stopped dental care. (turned 18 in Oct of my senior year) The negative connotations of poor dental care began and were clear almost as far back as memory allows me. On the exit door of Dr Eddie's was a poster with all these teeth and gum issues, real photos and causes and some slick saying that made it clear it was looked down on and those people were judged. Even as good as I believe he was and as personable as I felt he was, I knew it was based upon me taking good care of my teeth
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| this isn't the poster. But a super mild example. |
It hasn't changed any in 18 years except now most people with poor visual dental health are assumed to be involved with drugs and there's plenty of memes about poor teeth too alllll over social media, again making it clear what people thought about people like me.
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| Even the dental companies are in on the jokes |
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| Super minor meme vs most I see posted frequently |
It prevented me from ever getting dental care, even once we had dental insurance. I really had no intentions of dealing with my dental needs. I had long given up on it. About 7 years ago one of my teeth broke. And it only declined from there. The shame of poor dental health is strong. It keeps you from seeking help, it keeps you from smiling and effects your personality, and it kills your self esteem. My teeth are horrendous. I know this. But I can guarantee you I have NEVER used ANY drug, even smoked a cigarette, contrary to popular online opinion of people like me. I do think some people don't even realize what they are saying, as I would frequently overhear jokes at work, NOT about me, but they could have been; Like making fun of baby dad's about their teeth, or other coworkers (who happen to be annoying, but instead of complaining about their annoyance, the target was visible: their poor oral health).
Then this fall one of my teeth was really hurting like crazy and so I was stuck. I HAD to get help. I was taking a TON of tylenol daily, usually 2000mg 3x a day. I am so not a phone person, contrary to my job description. My bonus sister called this new dental place trying to get me an appointment. It was Nov. They scheduled me for mid January, even though there advertisements claim they take walk ins and are an emergency dentist. Clearly Aspen is a joke I would never trust their services. I also tried my kids dentist, but they too didn't have a realistic time span. I was only planning on getting the one painful tooth dealt with, just pulled. It isn't like it would effect my appearance any worse than I already had. Marko called around, then found a place in Charlottesville (a bit more than an hour away) on that Thursday that could see me Monday before Thanksgiving. Now that is a turn around time that is acceptable for a dental emergency. For them, technically that is their next day, as they are closed on Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays.
Marko took me to my appointment, so I couldn't back out--- because I very well may have. I know myself pretty well. It seemed to be a small personable practice, but that didn't make being there and facing my fear any easier. Like everywhere in this era, you fill out all your info, answer 7,000 questions on a tablet. It included this smile survey. It was a smart inclusion in the paperwork for people like me. I envisioned a quick relatively simple couple hundred bucks max and back to my life as normal. But I chose to be 100% honest, since they asked.
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| A partial visual of my worst pain ever, when I believe I was refused pain medication bc of judgements over my oral health |
The thing that stood out at appointment one was Cassie telling me this is a judgement free zone. She did acknowledge what I felt, without me ever saying a thing. She was a true encourager, and although I put myself in this situation, she showed compassion and concern and that certainly made a huge impact and difference in my care plan decisions. That first apt was standard things, exam, xrays, setting a plan, and doing what needed done to proceed. I believe if I had requested, they would have pulled the painful tooth then and there. However, Dr. D discussed a different plan, not to address one painful tooth but instead a mouthful of issues and truths from the above survey. Had I had an average hygienist, I am willing to bet I would have chosen to just address the one tooth. Although the dentist was good, it was Cassie's presence and impact, even in that short time, that made the bigger difference. I was emotional that visit and she was more than understanding.
There were 3 other reasons I agreed. First, I chose to be willing to work with an out of town dental practice, beyond just an emergency help for a painful tooth. I will never run into these individuals grocery shopping, at the park, or in public. So I wouldn't have to worry about their thought of seeing me at my worst dental state in public. And although they SAID it was a judgement free zone, would they have thought any differently in public, would I be able to see it in their eyes in awkward passing conversations should our paths cross. I acknowledge my own self esteem about my oral health plays into this. But I feel judged constantly about my oral health and it has certainly held me back.
The second reason is after Centra was about to send me home without treatment for my 3rd degree burns, and I feel like they own all of Lynchburg, I don't trust medical care in Lynchburg much, as that was my 3rd to me major medical shortcoming for myself or kids. This one could have lead to sepsis, which I fully know can be life threatening at best.
Third, to honor my mom, I agreed to seek a lengthy, pricey treatment plan. Although for years Marko attempted to convince me to address my health, he only has so much room to talk as he doesn't do standard cleanings himself, let alone more. My parents however have always been on top of oral health and my mom would try to persuade me to get my teeth dealt with. Many years back, when my kids were toddlers/preschool aged, before my teeth were anything like they became, but were in poor shape my mom even offered to pay for me to fix my teeth. I went to one appointment and decided, never again. At that time frame there was a recent news story about a mom of young kids who died of... a heart issue/sepsis due to neglected dental care. And as media is great at doing, it caused fear. I couldn't find the article as it has been at least 12 years ago, but it would be similar to this one, except a mom, not a dad. This article would have also made her remind me I needed to take care of my oral issues.... and I would have blown her off then too with a favorite remark of: I'm not afraid to die, I have my funeral plans online please follow them (yes, I really do!), or I have a lot of life insurance I faithfully pay so no worries (again, I have been fully life insured since age 18, and have added more to it through the years). I knew by association of high school some of the people at the dental care place mom had me go. They aren't awful people, but most my feelings about High School at LCA are awful, so there was definitely no positive connection or trust, because of that in addition to my already firmly felt fears of dentists. I know that played a role in not seeking treatment, even for free. But, we won't go into all that.
I am choosing not to give specifics on my dental care. There are no before and after picture comparisons really, although at the bottom I chose to put it more out there. Even after treatment, I still feel embarrassed, shame and judgement. But, I also know I did the right thing, although far too long after I should have. I am satisfied with my appearance now. I really like the practice we found. Cassie, Brittney, Karen, (unfortunately I can't remember the other office lady's name) and Dr. D (Yeah he doesn't go by that, but I give almost everyone a shortened version of their name, so welcome to the club!) have been fantastic... even for dreaded dentists. Even after 7 appointments, my blood pressure is STILL elevated every single visit. It still makes me feel nervous, anxious, uneasy. I doubt that will ever go away. However, after 7 appointments, I have "graduated" to every 6 month cleanings. I do have one more tooth we will likely address in 2021 when my dental benefits start over, if I don't chicken out between now and then.
My favorite bonus part of this practice, they respond to emails! I hate the phone. I am VERY timid and don't usually speak up for myself. I don't ask many question, if any regarding medical stuff. However, I realized I needed some info before one of my next procedures. I saw online they had a contact us option. I was debating cancelling the appointment strongly. So I decided, if they respond to this then I will keep my next appointment and if they don't I will cancel. They responded and within a few hours answering all my questions, and then replying to another email to finalize all my questions and concerns. Then, When I was having more pain that I thought standard at the 7 day mark for one of the wisdom teeth sites, I emailed as I didn't want to land dry socket/infection, yes was too embarrassed I was being weak not waiting it out so not wanting to call and have a difficult answer. It is easier for me to handle answers via email . They emailed back and I even got a nearly immediate apt, around MY work schedule via email!
I have always had an insanely high work ethic. They have always worked around my schedule and considering I drive 3 hours round trip, they pack as much as they can into each visit to minimize visits since I also put in 150ish miles each visit! I have never had to take any additional time off work beyond the day of the appointment, and to me that is important. Minus catching on fire and my mom's death, I have never once called in, in over 5 years! I have only left early twice. And even after all this extensive work, it hasn't effected my work abilities!
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| 2008: Dad and me on MS 150 mile charity bicycle ride |
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| 2010, my normal smile |
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| 2012, declining dental health |
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| One of my last real smile photos. And had I realized it in advance, I would have stood on my good side, but I kept it because it was with a very good friend at our coworker's wedding and I don't want to miss the opportunity to have picture memories with people who matter. It got far worse than this picture, but I am not brave enough to share any proof online |
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| 2016: even with my favorite people I always had my guard up as best as I could so my teeth would be less noticeable |
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| 2019: the standard Beth full smile-- Even as I regained control of my life, lost 30plus pounds, still my oral health was awful and out of control and I was far to afraid to face that. |
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| 2019: 4 days before the new smile |
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| 2019: reclaiming some of my old self, 35 pounds smaller, and so much healthier |
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| 2019: back to a real full smile |
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