I see grandparents raising kids or being the primary supporter of kids. Those kids will never experience that grandchild, grandparent specialness, because their grandparent has had to become a parent to them. For those situations though, I am so glad the grandparents were able and willing to stand up to the plate.
I see grandparents who are hands off, ones who never want the grandchild over night, Grandparents who disagree with teen and adult grandkids decisions to the point of causing barriers and a separation in the relationship. I can't imagine not having the relationship I did and can't imagine my kids not getting to have a similar experience. To me it is very sad. Why would a grandparent CHOOSE to be less involved? I saw it a lot in my BK days, and it never made sense the grandparents of my employees who wanted to be minimally involved in their lives or their kids lives. The ones who allowed changing times and older views (like that of inter-racial relationships and thus biracial children) interfere with their relationships. The grandparents who choose other things over their grandchildren. the ones who are horrible examples. The ones who don't even deserve the title of grandparent. I still get saddened when I hear the stories and see it first hand. It is so not fair for these kids, in my opinion. They are being cheated out of the best friendship and bond and cheer-leading team they have.
In my world, Grandparents are there to spoil and love unconditional. My favorite memories all involve grandparents.
Maternal: If we had an extra day off (teach in-service, random holiday, etc), many weekend, and school vacation- I would high tail it to the country, an hour away to Grandma and Papa's. Papa spoiled me at the groccery store in their small store: fruit loops (way to sugary for my parents to buy it for me), Ritchey's chocolate milk, my preferred ice cream whether it was Chocolate Butter Fudge, Ice Cream Sandwiches, dream cicles or ice cream bars. These were all common staples at Grandma and Papa's house. Grandma and I would cook together every visit. She'd make me ANYTHING I wanted. Most mornings started with either those fruit loops or amazingly shaped pancakes- bunnies, mickey, cats, and more.The experience I have with gardening, came directly from their back yard, where they worked extremely hard on what I consider a large family garden. It was the fun, yet simple country life at their main house. Then they took spoiling and grandparenting to the extreme and bought their "vacation home" on the same block as our house. They still mostly resided at their country home, but came to town for doctor appointments, to see us grand kids and spending the nights meant even more spoiling time. The memories are countless and all good ones. I somehow have blinded out the pain that came with my grandpa's cancer--- probably because he was optimistic. I even went to some cancer dr appointments with them and got to spend the night with them in the hotel. My last visit to Papa was when my brother and I walked to their house about 2 miles away (we had moved since they bought their "vacation home"-- same city, new neighborhood) on a very icy day. Grandma, a long good 80 years, and yet not long enough. Loved her raisin cookies and her pumpkin chocolate chip cookies, her chocolate pudding from scratch. Sitting in her downstairs apartment, watching birds and squirrels, with Nicky her lap dog chatting. I can't imagine having a better set up and a more committed loving set of grandparents. I wish it could have lasted forever. I wish my kids could have known them. I wish I wish I wish, But one thing is for sure. I couldn't have wished for better (and even local!) grandparents. I can't imagine having a better set up and a more committed loving set, who were everything I could ask of a grandparent relationship- and more, and specifically what I wish for my own kids.
Paternal: Nana and Papa were a 7 hour drive from Pennsylvania, so visits weren't too often; usually once in fall/winter, every other Easter and a few weeks in the summer. Having long distant grandparents is very different than local ones, but still just as blessed within the big picture. This is where I initially learned the value of large close knit family. Mom was an only child- as compared to dad being 1 of 4 kids, meaning I had "1st" aunts,uncles and cousins in West Virginia. This is where I learned about being fully committed to your family, until the moment they take their last breath My great-grandparents were never put in a nursing/retirement home, instead Nana and Papa's living room was transformed into a bedroom as long as it was needed. They installed faith, going to church, church activities and a favorite past-time of VBS. I have never been there a Sunday where church wasn't attended. Family is a HUGE deal. These are the only grandparents I got to experience into my adulthood, and that my children and I both share. They have always stayed connected and supportive, even when they don't necessarily agree with whatever is going on, they are still just as loving and committed as ever to every single family member and takes a personal interest in each of their lives and are the first to offer support to any friend or family member. They could lead a better example of leaders of a family (and a community too), and I am luck enough to be able to claim them at grandparents.
Great Grandparents: I vividly remember two of them. Great Grandma Ethel and Great Papa Bertie. I was much younger, obviously when they died but I can remember that too. The clearest memories of Great Grandma were visiting her house in the country, her always full cookie jar in the kitchen, the porch swing (which is on my top 5 for my dream house- seriously), and flowers and plants in the very large yard. Great Papa I remember much more. His farm, the microscopic bridge to get to his house, the cattlewalk, the swinging bridge, the little cemetery and of course Oatmeal Cream Pies by Little Debbie... when they used to be bigger than a 50 cent piece. Then when he moved in with Nana and Papa, his nurse, him in his chair, his tobacco, his horehound hard candy, and countless family get togethers.
And now my own kids are experiencing all the best things about grandparents and great grandparents! Another lucky couple of kids, lucky enough to have one set of grandparents and a grandma, one set of great-grandparents and then they even had an honorary grandma. Blessed, and may the tradition rich of grandparent love continue for countless generations to come in our family.
No comments:
Post a Comment