Teacher Charged More Than a Year After Assult, Well Done to that Mom

There are certain events in life that trigger thoughts from your past.  Did you react properly? Did you do the right thing?  It's been quite the season for this.  The boiling point was my daughter having to be in the presence of an adult you know intentionally physically abused her, without being able to prepare.  And then this news article brought it back to mind when a teacher was charged more than a year after she assaulted a special needs student.  I don't know why there was a year wait, but I do know I am proud of that mom for moving forward with a difficult decision to get justice for her son.  I chose to allow Marko talking to my child's abuser to be enough so there wouldn't be a court appearance for Jayna. And I have regretted it constantly since.  Jayna never got justice.  Her abuser never got a punishment.  That parent had a good relationship with that teacher. She knew her well, she'd worked with the child quite a while.  So I have no doubt she felt conflicted about what to do, is this real, did this really happen?  I DO believe every bit of what that mom says, I CAN RELATE.  I never imagined my child would be placed in harms way by trusted people.  I never imagined one afternoon could turn into what it has.  But here we are 7 years later and it still feels raw and painful.
And worst of all is that paths still constantly cross, whether a picture on facebook, hearing about the relationship others still choose to have with this abuser, knowingly putting their own families at risk, driving past the street it happened that for years brought her to fear and tears, the emotional wounds that far surpassed the physical marks, then the frivolous side is we spent a chunk of change on counseling and on merchandise we otherwise would not have had to.

The weekend before the abuse

It was May 17, 2013 when after a fun outing with friends who were nearly family to a Hillcats baseball game, I allowed Jayna to have a sleep over at their house.

This really wasn't out of the normal.  She'd been a part of their lives nearly her whole life.  They recently moved and Were anxious to have a sleepover.  It wasn't a first sleepover.  Jayna had been to previous home several times both with and without me.  I had of course had their children over a ton as well.

As was normal, I worked 3rd shift so napped that afternoon.  What a tragic decision.  I should have stayed awake in case Jayna's typical bouncing off the walls self was too much, but I didn't. I don't know if it would have made a difference, as I never got a call to come get her, but it might have.  And tragedy struck.  She was sent to a friend of that family's house NOT my friend, NOT somewhere she had EVER been before, NOT someone I would ever trust with her care, NOT somewhere I would approve.

And although to most it may seem minor, THIS has been my life's biggest regret- Not working insane hours, not being a young parent or marrying as a teen, not the amount of time I have or haven't spent with anyone else.  My regret was a nap after 3rd shift, while I thought my children were both safely being watched. I don't mean 8 hours of sleep, just a few hours that afternoon, and during that time frame, my child was intentionally physically abused by an adult.

Jayna was playing with several other kids, most I don't know.  A window was cracked.  Since all the kids were friends, except Jayna was the new one in this circle, she was blamed.  This "mom" decided to take it upon her self to leave handprints and welts and light bruising on my daughter's back, and permanently scar her emotionally.  The friend I left her in care of let me know she was at this person's house and I picked her up.  When I got there Jayna was crying hysterically, sobbing uncontrollably,  this was very out of character and I couldn't even understand anything from her.  I took her the less than a mile to my parents house.  It's been 7 years so I am not certain of the step by step, but I do know we saw the marks, and she said that mom hurt all the kids over this cracked window because no one would admit they did it.  I do know Marko came immediately, somehow kept his cool which is amazing coming from him, and then went and had words with this abuser. And I do know after all was said and done, the kids admitted Jayna didn't break a window.  However, even if she had, this would NEVER be a suitable reaction from an adult.

Bethany Leigh

May 18, 2013 · Lynchburg ·

Sooo lazy today. Got a nap before hubby went to work, boys are quietly playing upstairs, Jayna's at her friend's house and Stevie is loving the mud and damp grass in the yard. And in other news I like my new iPhone just fine but the lame picture of an apple is about to be transformed into a pig face... I don't like to be oh so normal...

Bethany Leigh

May 18, 2013 · Lynchburg ·

Sometimes a second chance is one too many. Jayna will not again go to a non family play date or sleepover without me. I would never imagine paddling someone else's child regardless of the circumstances so to paddle my child because no one will fess up to a cracked window, absolutely not! And she was paddled knowing I was on my way as the play date was over and hit hard enough to leave finger marks and a light bruise on her lower back.

• Bethany Leigh No kidding unfortunately. She cried from 635 when I picked her up through her ride him, bath and until Poppy won her over with fresh strawberries. I am still beyond irate. Marko talked to the lady and was a good boy keeping his calm. He has truly become a professional... So not the Marko of even 5 years ago. She is fine now that daddy told her he dealt with it other than a tender lower back. And to add insult to injury, an adult male I don't know at the house laughed at Jayna after she is hit and crying and said " you aren't use to getting your a$$ whipped are you". Obviously you can't trust people even ones you have known for years and years for your kids to be around them unsupervised.

• Bethany Leigh Yes I do have pictures that show the bruise and finger marks. But since she is mostly undressed obviously I won't post the pic. Marko doesn't want to involve the police. His family has serious distrust of police so Marko is a fix it myself type and shockingly kept it simple and civil. I just wanted to get Jayna away from the assaulter and safe to calm her down. Luckily daddy dealt with it decent enough and we will deal with it by avoiding unbeth supervised playing at our home or where we go in public.

• Bethany Leigh Give me Phil's # in a text or message if you still know it and I will call him. He is one I would certainly speak with! My amusing child has drawn revenge pictures--- hmmm she may very well take after her Aunt and mom ;-)

• Bethany Leigh Ok, it's done, police report has been filed with my favorite Lynchburg Police Department Officer (the bonus of working third shift like he does and having had him in the family for the past 4 years when my lil sis was dating him). We are however not filing charges at this time as we don't want to continue to drag this on for Jayna. And although I totally agree it was 100% wrong and have discussed it with Jayna I don't want to put her in the position of having to go to court, testify, or especially be cross questioned. We have a safety plan in effect for her of AVOIDING the people who hurt her, laughed at her and ignored the situation and assuring her that this was wrong and should have never happened and was NOT her fault. The report was made and the officer knows other children were involved and I have pictures of Jayna's back. I spoke with the mom of one of the other girls who was there. She didn't have any marks although she too had been hit as well.

I am still mad at myself for accepting Marko talking with her as good enough.  I did notify a police officer of every detail.  He is a friend of the family, as to attempt to do what was right, but we never filed charges, only a police report.  I wish so much I had pressed charges for child abuse, assault, even if it only got her a slap on the wrist which would be standard for a 1st time conviction without severe physical damage.  But, I didn't want to, at the time, put Jayna through the court system.  And so she got off without any punishment.  That friend and her are still "besties" and I think that hurts as badly as the impact to Jayna.  You chose her, the abuser, over the victim.  And that will forever hurt.  You still chose to put your children at risk. You trust an abuser that it won't happen again, I assume.  The double standard pierces me.  Watching this friendship continue is painful.  It is as if my child wasn't a victim, as if this was no big deal, as if my child was at fault for this abuse, not her abuser.  There was never a pause in the relationship with my friend and this abuser after this incident.  There was however a gigantic rift in our relationship that would take two years to start to  mend, but we have gone back to being good feiends and we mostly avoid this topic. It is a known fact we can't both be at any event which i know is rough on her, but it isn't my fault. I didn't cause this.  I never allowed Jayna around her solo until Jayna had a phone. Jayna really likes them and I can't punosh Jayna with no contact.  It was our children who mended our hearts. But now we are closer than our kids.  I know this decision would be conteoversial, but I do believe it was the right one for us.

Even so, there's more pain when I see evidence of the friendship with the abuser.  I try to keep my life and friendship 100% separate from hers with this person but it is far from easy.  I have her blocked on social media but then that friend and her kids and family will post pictures, which feels like a punch in the stomach.  I don't attend events she is at. and yet paths crossed 2 weeks ago and it has caused a lot of emotions.  I try to be strong, act like we can coexist, but I can't coexist with a child abuser. I can't stand the name, I can't stand the pictures, I can't stand the pain you have caused, the damage you created and the impact you still have on our lives, and yet everyone acts like it was no big deal.  She may not have been forever disabled by this abuse, but she IS forever emotionally damaged.  I can't imagine going on with life as normal with an abuser.  Over the last 7 years, I have continued to prove my stance in other cases that hit too close to my circle.  But I guess not everyone is willing to make those hard moves to have zero tolerance for abuse.  Some are able to forgive and rebuild relationships with abusers, but that will never be me.  But that hasn't even been the case as there was never a rift between this abusers and other mutual contacts.

I know this blog will be offensive. I didn't name, names. But I also know those who have been around locally for 8 years will know, as our circles cross.  I've wanted to put this into words for a long long time, but was afraid of offending others.  However, at some point you must stand up for yourself and your children and try to heal from trauma.  This was traumatic to me and hurt worse than any 3rd degree burn.  7 years later the pain is raw.  2 years after a burn, I try to avoid fire situations but mostly am healed.  Writing is my therapy. And then the scarier part, I know 2 new babies are about to enter the world this season she has full contact with.  She has two new potential victims and it sickens me watching it unfold.  Sure some believe people change, but I have a different opinion.

Facing Fear

When you've literally been a living ball of fire, you wouldn't think anything could be more scary.  False. Dentists are my #1 fear, not fire.  Although it is a slim margin of difference!

Christmas in the burn center

Dental care has never come easy for me.  I don't know anyone who got braces earlier or wore them longer.  At the ripe ole age of 7, newly 7, the fall I turned 7, in 1st grade, I got braces. I had them all the way until 8th grade!  You can do that math.  In addition to monthly orthodontic appointments, my parents were to the book on dental appointments every 6 months.

I can remember one bad younger childhood dental appointment in some weird dental place my grandparents used.  I don't remember the specifics why it was bad as I would have been pretty young. My mom would have remembered the details I bet. I never returned there. My parents found a child friendly father son team.  Dr. Eddie was very good.

What they don't tell you, braces may straighten your teeth, jaw, bite BUT that's YEARS of never fully brushing your teeth as they are partially covered in braces. This really hurt the condition of my teeth structure themselves. I had several cavities to deal with after 8 years and the discoloration was very noticeable.  We moved really soon after I escaped the braces.
There were 2 dentists I saw in Va. The first couldn't perform everything  needing done. I don't know why; so they referred me to another. He was gruff, stern and sharp.  As I previously stated I am afraid of dentists, even after extensive contact with them.  He expected me not to be nervous or uneasy (I was never disruptive, or vocal. Just visibly nervous) during the visit and cavity fillings which of course wasn't going to happen.  So, he said I would need gas/put to sleep. Something else that wasn't going to happen.  My parents were very accommodating and although we moved from Pennsylvania to Virginia they would still bring me to Dr. Eddie, after unsatisfactory care in VA.  He did the cavities but some damage visibly lasted.  I also continued to see him 2x a year for cleanings until I was 18.

My teeth were never strong after braces.  My mom had fantastic oral health, only ever having 1 filling.  But my dad was opposite on his luck of dental genetics.  So I now had 3 cards against me, fear, long term braces, and not the best oral genetics.  Card 4 and 5 were my own fault.

I was never that teen who took an hour to get ready, was concerned with appearance, etc.  I wore pajamas to school EVERY day my senior year.  My dad would ALWAYS remind me, did you brush your teeth. Sometimes I had, sometimes I may have claimed I did, and sometimes I would actually go do so. So, again poor decisions on already weakened oral health.

At 18, my senior year I decided to live in my car bc new adults are always really wise and level headed with their thinking.... or something like that. So the neglect really began.

After the summer before Senior year I stopped dental care. (turned 18 in Oct of my senior year)  The negative connotations of poor dental care began and were clear almost as far back as memory allows me.  On the exit door of Dr Eddie's was a poster with all these teeth and gum issues, real photos and causes and some slick saying that made it clear it was looked down on and those people were judged.  Even as good as I believe he was and as personable as I felt he was, I knew it was based upon me taking good care of my teeth

this isn't the poster. But a super mild example.

It hasn't changed any in 18 years except now most people with poor visual dental health are assumed to be involved with drugs and there's plenty of memes about poor teeth too alllll over social media,  again making it clear what people thought about people like me.

Even the dental companies are in on the jokes

Super minor meme vs most I see posted frequently

It prevented me from ever getting dental care, even once we had dental insurance. I really had no intentions of dealing with my dental needs. I had long given up on it.  About 7 years ago one of my teeth broke. And it only declined from there.   The shame of poor dental health is strong.  It keeps you from seeking help, it keeps you from smiling and effects your personality, and it kills your self esteem.  My teeth are horrendous.  I know this.  But I can guarantee you I have NEVER used ANY drug, even smoked a cigarette, contrary to popular online opinion of people like me.  I do think some people don't even realize what they are saying, as I would frequently overhear jokes at work, NOT about me, but they could have been;  Like making fun of baby dad's about their teeth, or other coworkers (who happen to be annoying, but instead of complaining about their annoyance, the target was visible: their poor oral health).

Then this fall one of my teeth was really hurting like crazy and so I was stuck. I HAD to get help. I was taking a TON of tylenol daily, usually 2000mg 3x a day. I am so not a phone person, contrary to my job description.  My bonus sister called this new dental place trying to get me an appointment. It was Nov. They scheduled me for mid January, even though there advertisements claim they take walk ins and are an emergency dentist.  Clearly Aspen is a joke I would never trust their services.  I also tried my kids dentist, but they too didn't have a realistic time span.  I was only planning on getting the one painful tooth dealt with, just pulled.  It isn't like it would effect my appearance any worse than I already had. Marko called around, then found a place in Charlottesville (a bit more than an hour away) on that Thursday that could see me Monday before Thanksgiving.  Now that is a turn around time that is acceptable for a dental emergency.  For them, technically that is their next day, as they are closed on Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays.

Marko took me to my appointment, so I couldn't back out--- because I very well may have.  I know myself pretty well.  It seemed to be a small personable practice, but that didn't make being there and facing my fear any easier.  Like everywhere in this era, you fill out all your info, answer 7,000 questions on a tablet.  It included this smile survey.  It was a smart inclusion in the paperwork for people like me.  I envisioned a quick relatively simple couple hundred bucks max and back to my life as normal.  But I chose to be 100% honest, since they asked.

When I went to the back, I couldn't have been more out of my comfort zone, heart racing, blood pressure was high-- ironically they take it every visit and every visit it is on the high side.  I am not sure what people's "titles" are, but the hygienist lady, Cassie, could tell of course I was petrified.  It wasn't about the pain, or the procedure to occur.  First I am fearful of medical people and 2nd the shame you carry with that type dental health is extreme.  You know what the people looking at you are assuming.  I mentioned this in my prior blog even.  I do believe my poor dental health effected my pain management at VCU after my wound vac was removed.  I do feel they assumed by my dental health I was an addict of some type, so refused me pain medication during my worst ever physical pain.  But again, I have NEVER taken any illegal drug, OR any non prescribed rx pain medication.  I know why I have the oral issues I have, and drugs are certainly NOT any part of the reason.  I can fully own up to my actions or lack there of, being at fault, but not drugs.  However when you have teeth like I did, people can easily make assumptions.

A partial visual of my worst pain ever, when I believe I was refused pain medication bc of judgements over my oral health

The thing that stood out at appointment one was Cassie telling me this is a judgement free zone.  She did acknowledge what I felt, without me ever saying a thing.  She was a true encourager, and although I put myself in this situation, she showed compassion and concern and that certainly made a huge impact and difference in my care plan decisions.  That first apt was standard things, exam, xrays, setting a plan, and doing what needed done to proceed.  I believe if I had requested, they would have pulled the painful tooth then and there.  However, Dr. D discussed a different plan, not to address one painful tooth but instead a mouthful of issues and truths from the above survey.  Had I had an average hygienist, I am willing to bet I would have chosen to just address the one tooth.  Although the dentist was good, it was Cassie's presence and impact, even in that short time, that made the bigger difference.  I was emotional that visit and she was more than understanding.

There were 3 other reasons I agreed.  First, I chose to be willing to work with an out of town dental practice, beyond just an emergency help for a painful tooth.  I will never run into these individuals grocery shopping, at the park, or in public.  So I wouldn't have to worry about their thought of seeing me at my worst dental state in public.  And although they SAID it was a judgement free zone, would they have thought any differently in public,  would I be able to see it in their eyes in awkward passing conversations should our paths cross.  I acknowledge my own self esteem about my oral health plays into this. But I feel judged constantly about my oral health and it has certainly held me back.

 The second reason is after Centra was about to send me home without treatment for my 3rd degree burns, and I feel like they own all of Lynchburg, I don't trust medical care in Lynchburg much, as that was my 3rd to me major medical shortcoming for myself or kids.  This one could have lead to sepsis, which I fully know can be life threatening at best.

Third, to honor my mom, I agreed to seek a lengthy, pricey treatment plan.  Although for years Marko attempted to convince me to address my health, he only has so much room to talk as he doesn't do standard cleanings himself, let alone more.  My parents however have always been on top of oral health and my  mom would try to persuade me to get my teeth dealt with.   Many years back, when my kids were toddlers/preschool aged, before my teeth were anything like they became, but were in poor shape my mom even offered to pay for me to fix my teeth.  I went to one appointment and decided, never again.  At that time frame there was a recent news story about a mom of young kids who died of... a heart issue/sepsis due to neglected dental care. And as media is great at doing, it caused fear. I couldn't find the article as it has been at least 12 years ago, but it would be similar to this one, except a mom, not a dad.  This article would have also made her remind me I needed to take care of my oral issues.... and I would have blown her off then too with a favorite remark of:  I'm not afraid to die, I have my funeral plans online please follow them (yes, I really do!), or I have a lot of life insurance I faithfully pay so no worries (again, I have been fully life insured since age 18, and have added more to it through the years).  I knew by association of high school some of the people at the dental care place mom had me go.  They aren't awful people, but most my feelings about High School at LCA are awful, so there was definitely no positive connection or trust, because of that in addition to my already firmly felt fears of dentists.  I know that played a role in not seeking treatment, even for free. But, we won't go into all that.

I am choosing not to give specifics on my dental care. There are no before and after picture comparisons really, although at the bottom I chose to put it more out there.  Even after treatment, I still feel embarrassed, shame and judgement.  But, I also know I did the right thing, although far too long after I should have.  I am satisfied with my appearance now.  I really like the practice we found.  Cassie, Brittney, Karen, (unfortunately I can't remember the other office lady's name) and Dr. D (Yeah he doesn't go by that, but I give almost everyone a shortened version of their name, so welcome to the club!) have been fantastic... even for dreaded dentists.  Even after 7 appointments, my blood pressure is STILL elevated every single visit.  It still makes me feel nervous, anxious, uneasy.  I doubt that will ever go away.  However, after 7 appointments, I have "graduated" to every 6 month cleanings. I do have one more tooth we will likely address in 2021 when my dental benefits start over, if I don't chicken out between now and then.
My favorite bonus part of this practice, they respond to emails!  I hate the phone.  I am VERY timid and don't usually speak up for myself.  I don't ask many question, if any regarding medical stuff.  However, I realized I needed some info before one of my next procedures.  I saw online they had a contact us option.  I was debating cancelling the appointment strongly.  So I decided, if they respond to this then I will keep my next appointment and if they don't I will cancel.  They responded and within a few hours answering all my questions, and then replying to another email to finalize all my questions and concerns.  Then, When I was having more pain that I thought standard at the 7 day mark for one of the wisdom teeth sites, I emailed as I didn't want to land dry socket/infection, yes was too embarrassed I was being weak not waiting it out so not wanting to call and have a difficult answer.  It is easier for me to handle answers via email .  They emailed back and I even got a nearly immediate apt, around MY work schedule via email!

I have always had an insanely high work ethic.  They have always worked around my schedule and considering I drive 3 hours round trip, they pack as much as they can into each visit to minimize visits since I also put in 150ish miles each visit!  I have never had to take any additional time off work beyond the day of the appointment, and to me that is important.  Minus catching on fire and my mom's death, I have never once called in, in over 5 years!  I have only left early twice.  And even after all this extensive work, it hasn't effected my work abilities!

2008: Dad and me on MS 150 mile charity bicycle ride

2010, my normal smile

2012, declining dental health

One of my last real smile photos. And had I realized it in advance, I would have stood on my good side, but I kept it because it was with a very good friend at our coworker's wedding and I don't want to miss the opportunity to have picture memories with people who matter.  It got far worse than this picture, but I am not brave enough to share any proof online

2016: even with my favorite people I always had my guard up as best as I could so my teeth would be less noticeable 

2019: the standard Beth full smile-- Even as I regained control of my life, lost 30plus pounds, still my oral health was awful and out of control and I was far to afraid to face that.

2019: 4 days before the new smile

2019: reclaiming some of my old self, 35 pounds smaller, and so much healthier

2019: back to a real full smile

The Journey to a Healthier ME

Most people repeatedly tell me I'm not fat and don't understand how I feel fat or like I need to loose weight.  But I believe this is because I have been blessed with good health and metabolism for most my life and a non-sitting job was also helpful. So the fact I ate like crap and drank buckets full of sugar made little impact on me.  But then I quit my on my feet job and got a lazy office job.  It made huge differences.  And although I may not LOOK plus sized, I was; and when you compare it to the fact I gave birth and wore a size 4 that same week or the fact I only changed 2 pant size from prior to Anthony's pregnancy all the way til 2012-- 8 years and 2 pregnancies for me it was fat and lazy.  And then when you do a percentage I had gained 50% more weight than I was used to weighing most my life and 29%of that increase in just 3 years!  That is so unhealthy and although others may not all agree if they went from weighing 200 to weight 300 in a handful of years they would feel the same about themselves as I felt about myself.

March 2012 (well before I disliked fire clearly 😜) right after I quit Burger King RGM, but with a very legitimate smile!

I have always said I'd never diet... and I proved that as I continued to gain weight, initially gradually... i have noticed I have nearly no full body phots so thisnis the best I can do.

Spring 2013

Spring 2014
By this point I was also failing my oral health and no more full smiles

Spring 2015

Spring 2016

It was fall 2016 when my friend Wendy and I started attempting to walk, more so for her and I tagged along.  She wanted to loose a little before her wedding in Spring 2017 so I was all for it.  We walked 4 or so evenings a week, but then life got busy with kids activities and our work schedules working overtime and after a month or so we were rarely exercising together, and I was back to lazy me,  I was always eating unhealthy.

During my first brief stunt of trying to be healthy-ish

By this point I was a size 12, quite the jump from my 6s of Burger King, 8s shortly after Burger King.

Spring 2017 and the weight gain was very obvious with my protruding stomach even in a size large shirt

The month before I caught on fire Nov. 2017

January 2018, still recovering and even with eating very little, bedrest and reduces activity was not kind to me

Winter 2019

Spring 2019

I knew I was fat. I knew I was unhealthy.  I wanted better but I wasn't motivated.  By this point I was a size 14 comfortably although I could squeeze into a size 12 but was very uncomfortable.  My shirts had all gone up to 1XL.
The last week of March one of the house keeper's at work who saw me in passing basically everyday asked me if I was pregnant or if I just had a baby.  Had I been quicker on my toes I should have said Malakhi was born in January.

Malakhi, Jayla and I in March 2019

 But, I was caught so off guard I didn't have a slick come back and I knew my weight gain was clearly out of control, no questions asked. I was emotionally crushed.  It is one thing to feel a way about yourself, but it's another level when others notice what you feel.  I got off and slept my Saturday away in self pitty, knowing tomorrow I am changing.  And, tomorrow I changed!

I started off at 10,000 steps a day 5 days a week. I never failed on my goal.  I typically exceeded it.

After 6 weeks, I had lost 2 pounds.  Not impressive, but I wasn't stopping.

 I can't remember for sure when I upped my goal, but my next goal was 12,500 steps 5 days a week.

visiting Nana and Papa in WV- still walking!

 The most exciting part of my fitness journey has been the motivation it gave my friends to join in.  Alisa was the first to jump on board about a month after I started, and she's impressed me!  She was probably the most out of shape of my friends considering she doesn't work outside the home and spent the previous year pregnant, many health issues for several years including fibermyalgia, and she is usually stuck at her trailer in the country, no establishments in walking distance 5 days a week as her husband works and they only have one vehicle.  But she refused to allow that to be an excuse.  Initially she could only last a few blocks with me when she came to town, and that was ok!  Everyone has to start somewhere!

Malakhi, Alisa and me

Jayna, Jayla, Alisa and me (Malakhi in stroller not pictured)

 On days they came to town, we walked together.  On days I went down there we walked her old country road together.  She literally started from no exercise to being able to do 5miles with me by the 3 month mark!  She slowed down once school started for Jayla but even til Dec she'd join me in walks when she came to town!

walking with my bonus babes

Jayla, me, Malakhi and Alisa hit 12,000 for the first time together

Next was my friend Tanya and her 2 girls.  They chose to join me in walking for a while (May- June) a few times a week, usually to Kroger and back, so about 2 miles.  Her 2 younger girls also joined me in longer walks on the trail or extra walks in my neighborhood. (Tanya doesn't like her picture posted)

Alayna walking with Jayla, Malakhi and me

Neighborhood walk

Then in July Wendy and her boys joined in for a while.  I kept her boys while her oldest was in band camp so they walked and hiked with me each day!

shadow art with Wendy and our heard of kids

Hiking liberty Mountain 

Neighborhood walks are for photo ops!

I was really surprised when Brandy joined in on this crazy walking, healthier eating binge!  We stuck with it until it got dark early and then it was difficult to walk together.  Her boy wasn't the biggest fan but Peyton was and still is eager to walk... unless she falls asleep first.

After 3 months, I had only lost 5 pounds, but had gained a lot of stamina.  Even with the disappointing scale results, I was sticking to this!
In July work started a 100 mile challenge- to walk 100 miles over June, July, August.  Well I made a different goal when I signed up and wanted 100 miles in 1 month.  I'd say I did well!

200 miles in the month of July

Then came my hardest life change at the 4 month mark at the end of July, not walking but WATER DRINKING-- and NO MORE extra sweet tea!  I wrote this when I began that task:

I'd like to claim I've lost that 20 pounds. But I haven't. However, I have stuck with it. I have walked 677 miles and growing!
And this week even AFTER just buying 56 bottles of my fav tea on sale I have given it up and traded it for 64ish oz of water a day. Fear not it isn't gone forever but until I can learn to drink water like apparently I should. Honestly although only 3 days, no craving and just determination!
This is still a long slow process but it's for good! And now my friends are choosing a healthier lifestyle too.

I never drank any of those 56 teas!  The kids did, but I didn't have any ever.  As of now 11 months in almost I have had  2 partial bottles.  The last one was in November and I no longer liked the taste.
My other bucket list item I conquered was I walked every bit of every Lynchburg Parks and Rec trail, and in only 2 weeks!  Another big accomplishment was I walked to the grocery store instead of driving all summer and fall long 95% of the time.  If I needed an item asap obviously I'd drive or if I needed something from Walmart since it's further but mostly I walked to Kroger and carried what I bought home.  Twice I'd have to call Anthony to meet me half way (which always at best meant he'd meet me at the top of our street) because the bags got too heavy.

Krogering for health

Then in July I went crazy and decided my new goal would be no less than 7.5 miles every day.  This would allow me to walk 500 miles in 3 months!
On the 28th of July I walked a half marathon!  On my summer bucket list I had written a really far fetched idea of walking 10 miles in one day.  I conquered that in June.  So I hit it up a notch and did 13.1 miles one day after work!

By the end of month four, I had lost 10 pounds at last!  Then it got impressive AT LAST!  I lost 10 pounds in August alone, for a 20 pound total loss over 5 months.  It may not look impressive, but my main goal was to become healthier.  Loosing weight was just an added benefit.  I had gained stamina and energy plus motivation and conquered exercise, portion control, limited sweets and drinking plenty of water over a five month span and that surpassed the excitement of the scale!

5 Months into my Healthier Me Journey

In September I joined the local gym to work on some strengthening type workouts.  Initially I said if I lasted with fitness a month, I could join.  I never did because I ended up enjoying walking a lot and being outdoors regardless of weather or where I was at.

after the storms knocked down trees on the trail- we still walked--- although it made it more challenging with a stroller!

I've consistently walked 2 miles a day on  my 30 min break at work, even in the rain!

Anthony and I at the gym

Gym selfie, although I don't much like the gym and haven't succeeded on going enough long term.  I definitely prefer to be outside walking not inside sweating.

By the end of September I achieved my goal and didn't miss any mileage of the 7.5 miles every single day.  Most days I did even more. 

12 out of  1900 people in our city with a total of 669.26 miles July to Sept

My emplyer took 1st place on total mileage out of all the companies.  However the average wasn't even 100 miles per person!

I took 3rd in our company out of 203 participants!

 After the 100 mile challenge I cut back to 4-55 miles a day from October thru December, and I wasn't too hard on myself if I took a day off from hitting my mileage goal, doing only half that once a week was ok for me now that life got busier with school and Jayna's play practices and basketball for Anthony.
After Christmas I realized how big my clothes were on me.  My Aunt and Uncle gifted my some Christmas cash and I easily fit into size 8 jeans.  I could have probably squeezed into a 6, but 8 truly fit properly. 


Since I don't yet know where this health journey will lead, I only got the one beloved pair of jeans and a new belt since all my work pants fit like this:

At the end of January after 10 months I had lost 35 pounds total.  My final goal is to loose 5 more pounds to reach back to the weight I was about the time Wendy and I thought about getting healthy in 2016, before her wedding.  At 5'11", going back to my 120 days is unlikely after having let myself go for so long. But going to a healthy BMI and weight has been life changing.  If you asked my 1 year ago I'd tell you it was never going to happen.  I had saved my smaller sizes for years but finally ditched them after the fire knowing it was never going to happen.  I has accepted I'd let myself go and choose laziness and food over shrinking back down in size.  I wasn't motivated enough.  I was lazy with my health in every way.  If I don't loose a single pound more I will continue with this health journey, 5 miles a day as long as my body allows.  My body did force me to take a month off courtesy to a stress fracture.  But, I have truly reached a new level because even with minimal exercise all month I haven't reversed on the scale and I can still be healthy beyond just exercise! 

But Monday I get to stop wearing that air cast and I will be back to my crazy walking self!  I've missed it so much!  It may initially be uncomfortable, but I can get right back on track and make and achieve new health goals.  In fact in November I did just that.  I made a new health goal I'd told myself years ago was a lost cause and I have faced my fears and am working right towards that as well, but that will be it's own blog, in time!

One of my favorite Healthier Me Memories